~Hardest Thing to Do~

Take the very hardest thing in your life – the place of difficulty, outward or inward, and expect God to triumph gloriously in that very spot.  Just there He can bring your soul into blossom.

Lilias Trotter

picture by @bekahbphoto

There are things that hards for me to do. One afternoon when I was working, I was thinking of myself... what am I "doing" recently because time goes so fast and I don't want to miss thing that God is going to do in my life. I pulled myself out from my working and simply staring outside from the window. I was thinking, God...what exactly I am doing right now? then my mind started to compare my life with others - in every part of my life. Hmm...I don't need to do that actually, says the depth of my heart...let's start from something small from my life...there's an area that I am truly aware that I still need to surrender to God...I am tired of asking God, fix this and that area of my life. I've been praying and asking God to show me if I am too blind to see it. There are 4 areas that I think I need to surrender to God, it's hard for me to work on these and sometimes what I need is put down my gun and raise my hands to God.

Be A Selfless Person.

When it comes to everyday life, I wish I have a machine or robot who tells me "Eva, you being selfish..." but that's silly thing I ever thought - that's why Jesus went to heaven so Holy Spirit plays His role as a reminder for us. All we need to do is stick around Him. Because there some other things that I can't even see the lines of doing it for me, or pleasing other people or glorify God. Loving-kindness, caring and serving like Jesus, that's all I want to be... I believe He can help me for this everyday, and it's so much better to hurt with purpose.

Be An Effective Person.

This is such a struggle for me. I get so many distractions from this modern life, and if I am not so careful with my schedule, I will miss something that I think it'll be more important to do for the day. I think having a journal, and set my mind how long I should do things will be a big help perhaps, because at the end I'll have more quality time with my beloved ones and of course to spend time with God. 

I hate myself when I am too tired to be with people I love and not really enjoy it.  Or when I feel like I am free and I don't have lot of things to do and I ended up watching show for hours, or be on phone scroll down and seeing other people's lives..oh poor poor me (haha - laughing at myself)....rather than organize closet, pantry, or clean windows, writing cards friends who far away from me, or spending time with a friend, loving on them and encouraging them. So I am praying for this that I need God so so much in this area. 

Be A Person who Pray more for others not for myself.

This one...  I just want to say that I am so so captured by the prayer of Jesus before he suffered in John 17. I can't find self-centered thing in this prayer. He poured out little bit of His heart to His Father and the rest He prayed for others and others. 

One day, I found I am too much pray for myself, ask God to work things in my life, and fix this and that, for Him to help me during difficult times...there's nothing wrong about it because Jesus said  in John 14:14 "if you ask anything in My name, I will do it " But yet, this can go wrong if we ask everything just for ourselves being happy, nice, and settled. God also wants us to grow through suffering. I remember one time I have my prayer journal and now not anymore....that's so sad I think. Today I asked myself to get back on my prayer journal - it helps alot for me to remember and help for me to see how God works in people life through my prayers.

Calm Myself When Panic.

Actually I only wrote 3 things above but as I wrote this post my husband texted me and he said he lost his backpack at airport. I am more panic of my husband being upset and devastated, not because what's in the backpack ( I am but not much :)) because he'll go through rough weekend. I was going to clean the house and make some corn soup but then my spirit deflated. I was panic, and thinking that he probably has some important things that he needs for this weekend, how he will make it and what about if he needs things... So started to calm myself, I stopped worry about and praying to God for the peace in both our hearts, we did what we could do, the rest we let God works on it. It's hard to calm myself when I am so much worried, I feel paralyzed to walk my day yet I remind myself that God is in control and all I need to do is calm myself and pray.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Do whatever You want to do with my heart.

Break it, shape it, and make it to be more like yours.

Amen.