~I will sing in the day of trouble that He is faithful~

~ Call upon me in the day of trouble; I will deliver you, and you shall glorify Me~

( Psalm 50:15)

I was in the hard times around in mid of June, I almost thought that God didn't love me at the moment. He might allow me to have tears again when I wanted to be happy but...the sorrow at the time couldnt be compared of what He worked for me on the cross, what all He has done in past that's why I wont give up to love Him. I will love Him no matter how hard it is. I decided to spending time with him more  but again I didnt have space and time (that I live in orphanage, and sleep with the girls). I lost my mind how I could have time with Him. My heart was tired if I thought all these stuff so but then I decided to praying and fasting everyday...I needed to wait all my family went home from their vacation here and I really could have time with Him but I wanted they stay here for longer . Finally they went home, I tried to not much spending time on daily stuff instead, have devotion time and fasting days. I counted that almost 3 weeks I did my fasting and devotion at night while everyone's sleeping.  I was doing that with a friend - she is one of the girls here and she went to seminary school and get to know God more so I invited her that I knew she would be y best partner for this.

One night after dinner I threw up and next day I got sick, and I stopped to fasting and I did my devotion as I could...I was talking to God " Dear Lord God,  I know You love me and just maybe You want to see  me like your beloved Job. I give it all to You, just do as You please for me" I was kind of teasing Him though. lol :D

The next day my dad got a call about paying the bills and some stuff. My heart was so heavy seeing my parents didn't have enough money..."I've been looking for jobs, been praying but seems nothing changing"

"Hold on My beloved" said God.

I just didnt understand Him sometimes...I started to feel people judged me of my faith to Him. I ran to find a spot where I could be alone and it's on the roof...where no one could see me...and I cried but I was still talking to Him "Oh why ?" I started to feel hungry and it made me think the sad things more.

So i just went to sleep after all day. In the morning I checked my email...it's sweet email from one of my blog friends Maryah. She said that she was dreaming of me and she decided to pray for me after that dream and she sent me a passage in Psalm 145 : 8 -12.

The Lord is gracious and merciful;
Slow to anger and great in lovingkindness.

The Lord is good to all,And His mercies are over all His works.

All Your works shall give thanks to You, O Lord,And Your godly ones shall bless You.

They shall speak of the glory of Your kingdomAnd talk of Your power;

To make known to the sons of men ^[a]Your mighty actsAnd the glory of the majesty of ^[b]Your kingdom.

I felt that God remembered me at the moment. So my heart full with songs just because I was reminded that He still there for me. Thank you Maryah, I know God used you for this. 

The next couple days I got a very very great news ...it made me soooo happy I even got tears of joy. Sean's coming to see me and my family!!! My parents already knew it clearly and they tried hiding me, I thought he wouldn't come but he did and the mission is failed so it's my turned to surprise him at the airport. It was beautiful time my whole family came to airport and picked him, they planed to filming and got pictures but it was precious moment everyone's crying because we never met before  since the first time he helped me. ( click Love Story to read how I met him) it took for 5 years that I had never met him in person but finally God allowed it. It was just beautiful..it was like in movie when the first time I met him and hugged him. Oh finally! God has been so faithful we all cried.  I uploaded my picture with him on facebook and I got respond from my friends - they called me on the phone and cried  (especially my college friends they know my struggle for 5 years) so we cried together :) it's just beautiful.

So he was here for a week and it was my first time to dating a guy that also the man after God's own heart - I'm glad to see how God made it so beautiful. Sean served my family, and I was so relieved to know my family loves him and he also loves my family.  On Sunday service, he shared his powerful testimony of knowing God when he was 16 - he was unexpected baby but God sent him to this world for His great purpose!  I tried to hold my tears because it was surprise for me I just heard the testimony in detail... it's always beauiful of how God calling someone to be His forever. 

My most favorite part was when we went to my favorite place in the early morning of the last day before he back to US. It's kind of small field behind my house, you just can see the beauty of the Lord when you there....haha the girls in orphanage told him that it's my favorite place and he asked me to go in the early morning to watch the sunrise and we could share our devotional time and tea morning. I woke up so early and got ready and there we spent time together with God and my dog :) when we were reading our Bible..the sun was rising up and it was so beautiful. We have so many sweet memories together. We both praying for the day God will unite us as one.

Now we can see the lens of God's heart that He is beautiful

I was so happy but actually I still have one burden in my heart about helping my family. It's just crazy because two days later after Sean went back to US - I got a call to work. I got a job now, I work in Kumon as English teacher. " Wow! Thank you Lord, but i feel like it's your turn to teasing on me" :) 

So that's why Ive been not blogging too much! 

Thank you for Amy - Anne Williams that you always ask about me :) I'll be back to you.

and

I havent be able to send all the rewards stuff, I will still think about to send it soon - sorry for being late.

Thank you for Lizzie and Mrs. Karen for helping Sean to his project. You will will have rewards from him soon.

I'll be back next week - It's Muslin Celebration and I get one week off from work. I have missed coming to everyone's blogs. So get ready!

Blessing!