It's been a  long day, my heart has been tired that have to deal with the same thing again. I decided to get outside of room, sat in the bench of the balcony take a deep breath and I looked above. I saw the night sky it was so beautiful how the stars dancing surrounded the moon and the wind blowing make my hair move. It brought me to the sweet memory about a story that I wrote when I was in middle school. I laugh each time I remember it. It's just a simple story - it's about Jesus and I were at the beach we played together and we talked, dancing till the night and we watched the beauty of the night sky together. 

It brought a smile in my face and deep in my heart I still want to be that little girl. A girl who lived in her dreams, a girl who put Jesus as her best friend and hero with no doubts. She was filled with dreams.
Now things have chnaged, I am not 9 years old girl. Everyday you try find the reasons 

How I would be in the future?
why am I here? what I do for?
Am I good enough? why they cant see me that I've been struggling to do the best?
why I am not like her? Seems she has beautiful life...

I know that little girl would not have such questions in her mind - she only lives in her dreams, she doesnt comparing, she knows her dreams are bigger and she has owned it. 

I am waiting to hear His still small voice. I want He speaks one word to me that make me comfort tonight.
Does He know that I'm struggling? I know He does! I miss Him tonight. Too much in my mind, I want to forget it all for a while and sleep in His arms. If  cry makes me feel better I want to cry near His chest and if laughs can changes my mood I want He makes me laugh till I cry.

Then I know now, that He allowed this happened just to draw me close to Him.

My sweet Jesus, You know that I love You, I just can't see you tonight. Please dont let me go, please hold me....


Pam Williams said...

Eva, the ache in your heart is one that is familiar to me. I love that you sought quiet and peace for your mind and soul by looking out on all that God has made so that you can connect with Jesus. He is there for you, little one, just like He was when you were nine. May you be blessed by the sweet assurance of His presence and leading.

Olga Rani said...

Though you are not 9, Delvalina, but you are still like a child in your heart, pure and innocent. I wish God gave your the peace and happiness that your long for and that you deserve.

Faith said...

Oh my lovely Delvalina,
I am so sorry you feel such pain. I know how hard it can be. I know the pain. I wish you didn't feel it.
But God is watching over you. the hardest times to have faith in God is when He's remaining silent. I just got over a period where He was being silent to me. One old saying has been in my mind. "This too shall pass."
This season of silence will pass. The hurt will cease and God will pull through. Read the book of Job. The whole time it looks like God isnt there. but just at the end He swoops in and saves the day.
God is watching and God loves YOU. There is a song you might not know. its called Crawl by Superchick. its always helped me. its a cry to our Father saying "if I have to crawl, will you crawl too? I stumble and I fall. carry me through. the wonder of it all is you see me through."


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