~Another story, another struggle of me~

Then I have to write here...
I am just an ordinary girl from Indonesia, I live in developing country. The first time I know what dream is when I was 12 that God introduced me to a worship team called Hillsong from Australia. Then you would know that I am such a huge fan of Hillsong. Yes! when I was young, but now I still have collect their songs not because I am fan of them but the songs have been blessing my life. Every year, or every album that they released, I MUST have one, that's all because the first time for me I saw people worshiped God madly ( watching the videos) you know, each day I always got into my parent's room just because I wanted to watch  it everyday. I was young and I didnt know about mp3 player or kind of stuff, I only have a tape record which was really bad, but I used it every night to played the worship songs of Hillsong when I was sleeping. Since God changed my life, Hillsong was the first inspiring worship team, encourage me to be a true Christian, I know God used them for me. I was wondering each time I watched them worship " why these foreigners people really have different worship?" God used some worship leaders there to lead people come into His presence, and yes they are anointed worship leaders ( Darlene Z, Marty Sampson, Miriam Webster, Joel H, and amazing choir, musics) Each time I see them worship, I feel pumped to join them worship God, I just wanted to go there and worship God together with them. So that was a first time to me that I had desire to go to Australia. I wanted to learn English everyday by myself just because of this :D and it made better for me, I never guessed before that I will have an English blog.

When I went to the University, I have decide like 2 years ago before I went to Uni that I wanted to study International Relations just because one reason, I want to see Australia, meet awesome people, worship God with thousand people together. I feel like I have heaven on earth at the time.
But God has planed another things for me, I met an awesome guy who love God's presence and we started to be friend when I was 17, I knew him because he helped me to get a Hillsong United album which at the year I couldnt purchase it, he shipped it for me. After a year... he just became a best friend to me, and one night I dream that we were in a huge hall with thousand people, I was beside holding his hand and we worship God together and sung How great is our God....sing with me how great is our God, and all will see how great, how great...how great is our God.  I knew this song when Darlene Zschech led worship in Hillsong, I have loved this song and always teary when I watched people sing this song.

And I told him my dream, you know he just said that this song is written by Chris Tomlin, who is worship leader in Passion 268 in Atlanta, GA. Well, I never knew other worship teams before. My friend was used to go to Passion, because he went to study there, God used Passion for encouraging his life in God.  So yeah I finally know Passion. He wanted me to come to Passion Conference...and it's just so far from here...I wish States is next to Indonesia, then I could reach it. In October 2010 Louie Giglio posted about scholarship for all students all over the world in loving memory of two girls who got an accident, they're Germany students who studied in U.S. and joined Passion. I tried to apply for the scholarship...because ohhhhhhh!! I've been desperate to worship God with thousand people, you'll know how it feels...like this is what I have wanted since many years ago, and I have prayed too. So I applied by telling my experience and journey of ministries and my life as Christian. The good news!!! I was required, it just something that made me keep jump on my bed and dancing with my friend...though I didnt know if surely I'll go there. I just thinking that God has been so good to me.

In February 2nd, 2011 I applied my U.S visa, and it was really let me down, that my visa was rejected... I have known that people here said that it's hard to people from Indonesia to come to U.S. I didn't know why maybe it's just because  of politics, and or etc. I cried on the way home, I even didnt want to remember about what just happened, I felt trauma each time when I heard people say about coming to U.S. and sometimes it hurts me when I listen people sing this song.

BUT GOD, He is just like the best teacher, He knows what I have need and He knows what things that I had to walk through. I have learned what God's minds and plans are different with ours. Sometimes maybe it looks so hard but we never know His better plan, we learn to be patient waiting for His time, and we learn to obey in faithful and we learn to trust Him in every circumstance. He has set for us that what's gonna happen in couple next hours, days, months, and years.

So I still have a chance for Passion to come to U.S. I dont know when but I believed I will have it, that God has showed me His first door to me, and He has been so faithful, gracious, merciful...on my way to His next door, and it makes my hope new! I always have a new hope, when my hope is gone. And I learn to believe in Him, that He has better plan for me.

If God in silent then I will keep asking, seeking, and knocking...and  if He doesnt speak any word to me then I will keep asking, seeking and knocking, and even He says No, I will keep asking, seeking and knocking...because my heart knows Him well.

If you know Passion 268, and you've been there before and you are going to go there again...please praying for me! I want to worship God with you there :)

She is on her knees begging for a miracle.