28.7.11

You love me anyway by Sidewalk Prophets

Hey, I really love this song, I hope you too!


The question was raised
As my conscience fell
A silly little lie

It didn't mean much
But it lingers still
In the corners of my mind

Still you call me to walk
On the edge of this world
To spread my dreams and fly

But the future's so far
My heart is so frail
I think I'd rather stay inside

But You love me anyway
It's like nothing in life
That I've ever known
Yes You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me
How you love me

It took all of my strength
To simply be still
To seek but never find

The reasons we change
The reasons I doubt
And Why do loved ones have to die?

But You love me anyway
It's like nothing in life
That I've ever known
Yes You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

I am the thorn in your crown
But You love me anyway
I am the sweat from Your brow
But You love me anyway
I am the nail in Your wrist
But You love me anyway
I am Judas' kiss
But You love me anyway
See now I am the man who yelled out from the crowd
For Your blood to be spilled on this earth shaking ground
Yes then I turned away with a smile on my face
With this sin in my heart, tried to bury Your grace
And then alone in the night I still call out for You
So ashamed of my life, my life, my life

But You love me anyway
Oh God, how You love me
Yes You love me anyway
It's like nothing in life
That I've ever known
Yes You love me anyway
Oh Lord, how You love me

You love me (x4)

How You love me (x3) 

~Thanksgiving~

Hi!
I'm back here, and wanted to let you know some stuffs. If you read my posts before you might be wondering what was happening to me. And I answer that was another color  of my life-chapter :) and God was there.
The devil, really wants to destroy my family, include me, and I think he has been trying harder since last year but God always protects my whole family. Look! we are okay, though my parents fight sometimes but recent days they are dating and spending time with my brothers, sister and three my dogs. So devil, how poor you are! :P

Oh, few months ago I also telling you all, about my studies, how much I struggle to finish my school, I have been rejected for my internship 6 times, and here the 7 God worked it perfectly ( 7 is God's number, and also my bf number ;) ) I will take off from Solo tomorrow night to Bali and how blessed I am, my parents too will take me to the airport. I really can't wait for my career life, and I want Jesus is there too. Oh He is my top heart in life!

Back to the past for a while, I was really depressed by what was happening last week, I have prayed and fasted for that because...I didn't know at all, where is the way that I should walk through, I was wrong, I made mistakes, and I felt like God was silent. I did make mistake because I didn't know His ways.

But.....................................................................................................................

I've been wondering, though I made some mistakes, and probably hurt Him but I still love Him, I love Him though I was on the wrong way, He stunning me! I'm too in love with Jesus. That is my first Thanksgiving.

and,.. He just answered me, pour out His soul to me at that night when I met Him, I was overwhelmed in His presences. I talked much with Him and He made me understand one thing

" you don't need to be good, or perfect,  you don't need try to be precious in the front of people, though you know that you are precious so you will not to arrange the things of life. You only need to be with Me always, no matter where the bus takes you, you will be safe. Be with Me always My dear daughter, because I want you "

I know, I'll be precious when I am with Him.
Here is my heart that full of thanksgiving, that You are there for me. Thank you Jesus!

~Delvalina~

26.7.11

Jesus, I surrender, yesterday I was wrong, blind, weak...my heart was broken, You are my creator, please take my burden and create my heart into beauty again….


Jesus, I surrender, yesterday I was wrong, blind, weak...my heart was broken, You are my creator, please  take my burden and create my heart into beauty again….


Yesterday was the most emberassing, and saddest thing in life.  I do not know why am I too weak…  or how could this happen to me… *sigh* oh Lord, I even thought that God doesn’t care and love me.
I always be afraid if I see my parents fight, how many times they fight in the front of me ? many times. I’ve been so worried if ith will happen in my future, when I see it, it hurts my heart many times, so I decided I won’t be married with anyone. Even I thought I am not beautiful, nice girl, or someone perfect to the best one. How many time I feel that I am humility one. I was so ashemed, I hurt my beloved Jesus’ heart. I broken His heart.
At that day, I got many text message from my family


“ you are stupid, you just broke mom and dad, you made them fight”


“are you crazy Eva?!?!? What a hell you thinking of ?!?!, look what happened to this family”


“Hello, thank you for destroying us, you said you love God, where is that?!?!”


…. Tears…tears..and tears… I didn’t know what I should do, I had no idea, … my parents always fight and it most happen
Yeah…tears, broken heart, tears, broken heart… I was trying t let it go, who I need to talk with? God?! Oh I just hurt Him, my boyfriend?!  He is too far, he is busy, he might not be able understand my english, I could not expressed all things in my heart into English…


I thought I could email him, finally I wrote him telling him what I was feeling, that was what I felt. Without think that whether that email could hurt him…


But I think yes, he didn’t respond anything that I wrote, not sure he liked it or he was busy… forgive me Sean, I only want you to know my feeling at that time…


This is my life and this is reality…


I am not good one I think, Jesus, you don’t need to be proud of me … I can’t make Him smile all the times, I’ve been trying my best…


Will God forgive me…?


Or  Does He turns everything for good…?


Will He heal my heart…?


Open up my eyes…?


I don’t know how should I live mylife to Him, I read His word everyday, trying to be right for Him everyday, think of Him everyday…I only do these because I want Him be proud of me.
And I got nothing…
I never know where my my bus takes me? If this bus stop, do I need to out from the bus? Or I should waiting for the next destination… is the next destination better or worse?
Jesus… Jesus..Jesus I have put and always Your name in my heart… and how could I feel I can be precious again for You and people arround me?
I still love You, no matter what, no matter my bus takes me to wrong destination, I still love You and waiting for you.
I surrender…I surrender..I surrender…
Please create my heart into beauty again, and make me know that You love me.
Forgive me everyone…please..*begging*

~Delvalina~

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